snakes and ladders

Ahh shame, this week's sad story is ...... as told by a vacating tenant - a window cleaner knocked on the door and asked if he could borrow a ladder (!) As they had been looking for someone to clean their windows the lady tenant swiftly lent him one, had her windows cleaned and was charged £10. Off he went and neither the window cleaner or the ladder were ever seen again! So not only did the tenant have to pay over the odds for window cleaning she also had to buy a new ladder for the landlord. Oh well, we all have off days I guess. Me, I'd have been chasing him all the way down the road, what a cheek, a window cleaner without a ladder - hmm bit suspicious, hope she checked her valuables afterwards.

Is that and elephant down your trousers or........

Just when I thought I'd seen everything! Tenants leave some odd things behind when they move out. Last week I checked out a nice young couple who were all loved up - you know, holding hands, making gooey noises and all that. I just ignored them (and reached for the bucket, oh cynical me!) and carried on with my inspection. Opening a chest of drawers in the bedroom I found a posing pouch in the shape of an elephant (you know, head, trunk.... don't need to paint you a picture now do I?). I had a little chuckle and thought I'd save it until the end of the check out to tell the tenants.

I carried on into the next room, the tenants went into the bedroom and I heard loud giggling - ah they must have found their lost underwear I thought. Suddenly there was the strange sound of an elephant trumpeting - posing pouch with sound effects obviously! I'm afraid I lost the plot then and had hysterics, along with the tenants. Pat's top tip for tenants - great method of trying to distract the inventory clerk. (Didn't work though, they still had to pick up the bill for cleaning and damages....)

Life, DEATH, and all that

Another dead tenant this week! What is it about renting that pushes us all over the edge. OK, I am exaggerating a little but once every few weeks we are checking out (so to speak!) a property which the tenant has 'checked out of' recently. (Checked out of the property and out of this time zone!) This time it was a fairly unpleasant disease so although the property was as clean as when the tenant moved in it does give pause for thought - should any extra cleaning be carried out, would a new tenant want to know that someone has died in the bed they are about to sleep in?? If it was me moving in I would definitely want to know and it wouldn't worry me too much but not everyone is comfortable with the thought of dead bodies having been where they are now laying! What do you think?

Burn the house down

Some tenants, living in a brand new and very expensive flat had been working abroad for a few weeks. When I arrived on their moving out day they had packed up and left but I discovered that for possibly the whole tenancy they had pushed one of the leather settees up against an electric wall heater, the back of the sofa was blackened and brittle and not long from bursting into flames I would imagine. I also discovered that the lounge door had been pressed against a heater and this too was charred and black. A few more days and the whole place could have gone up in flames - which would have damaged several luxury properties (and probably occupants) in the same block of flats. I think this development could be cursed there have been several distinctly dangerous incidents - more of which later!

More good news this week. I have been talking to The National Student (the monthly free newspaper that is circulated to all the Uni's in the UK) and they may be interested in me doing a regular 'tenants collumn' . Great news as that means the book and website will be publicised to thousands more young tenants. Also had some interest from a couple of radio stations for phone ins and other websites wanting input. Could be a fun time me thinks - not sure how I'll find the time to work for a living but as the mortgage company are insisting I'll just have to try!

First-Time-Tenant

And the prize goes to - the lady with the curly hair! Yesterday we checked out a house where the carpets had just been steam cleaned. During the check out the tenant started vacuuming in the lounge - nervous reaction I think, if the place is a tip sometimes tenants like to look busy.... Anyway there she was, hoovering nicely when she said 'oh look there's water coming out of the vacuum cleaner!' She was mesmerised and just kept on hoovering the carpet regardless of the threat to life and limb. The quick thinking check out clerk kicked off the power - wearing rubber soled shoes of course just in case, after all she's not insured for that kind of thing - obviously the tenants mum didn't tell her that water and electricity don't mix, you'll only end up with curly hair and a nasty singe - that is if you wake up at all of course!

I was asked to pop round to inspect a house a while ago and had arranged to meet the landlords and the tenants there too. The place was an old three storey property, a bit run down but the tenants were quite happy as the rent is cheap and they are all students. We all wandered around the house chatting and eventually went into the garden which was so overgrown that the poor landlord - a tiny elderley lady - almost disappeared in the undergrowth.

I opened the side door of the garage and a lovely herbal smell wafted out. Inside I found the whole place full of cannabis plants complete with protective plastic sheeting and a heating and water sprinkling system. Now, I have led a fairly sheltered life but I knew what was going on! The tenants were obviously supplementing their income with a little dealing on the side.

The landlady walked in and spotted the plants - who could miss them! She said 'ooh, someone's got green fingers...' The tenant looked at me and stuttered 'oh - they're not mine, they must belong to one of the others.'

Yeah right! I had to have a quiet word with the letting agent - not only is drug dealing illegal, but running a business from a rented property is in breach of the terms of the tenancy agreement!!